Badges of a Modern Girl
find your happy place/make it fuckin love you
ill be 48 in october
fine lines and wrinkles haven’t hit me yet but my knees ache and my toes pop everytime i move in any direction especially when i try to twist my ass or curl my hair my hands crack from battle wounds or maybe it’s old age bangin on the door trying to wake up my 30 year old mind which by the way was the best years of my life oh how i miss that sudden wisdom that connected by brain to my body that appreared at the ocean when i realized i could’nt swim or fucking breathe from all the smokin i had done in my youth that youth i still have that never sleeps and drinks and listens to pink flloyd when im sad and tired
ill be 48 in october
I yearn to find the old me
endlessly peeping in places that
I shouldnt be.
Its eternally dark, slippery
and drenched with misery.
I see ghostly memories rise
and fall like snapshot help up
by invisible hands.
The silhouette of the bloodied butcher
flinging uneeded parts of me.
I snached them up one by one
for they are not worthless,
they are my unfortnate memories.
You leave behind a hue
A toxic bloom.
I want to know
more about you,
your essence evokes me.
Makes me wanna see,
your deformities, your aches
learn all your mistakes.
I want to be everything
you never knew.
I want to save you.
I am lost soul glued to an immobile shadow
Eyes always closed,
If I open them its a
horror I only know.
The smell of roses splashed with blood.
It's enough to lose my fading wit,
Ill never move on,
It stays with me
I walked out because she couldn't handle
the tragic words spilling out of my mouth.
I didn't realize the magic to release my minds
Without a doubt,
I knew I said too much, my brain was telling me to stop
but my heart was telling me what's the rush?
I have to realize not all are like me and can tell a story so
We will never grow as humans if we continue to come to conclusions and have small minds.
Let's come up with,
and have life transfusions
We can't fix mental well being if we can't even handle
Life isn't always rainbows and halo's
It can be void of tomorrows and gloomy tempos, fallen dominos
and leave a fucked up afterglow.
Isn't that how they make superheroes?
I want to sit with you
Inhale and exhale you
I want you to make me
I want your liquid beams to
I yearn to look
Back and know,
I can always bleed on you
When I’m blue.
There’s an emptiness
inside of me
I can never get back,
A place in time
I can't rewind.
It happened when I was barely nine.
Your massive white hands
on my tiny black body.
I have a blemish I can’t scrub off.
So again I plea,
Let go of me.
Your like a ghastly tattoo,
I’ll never get rid of you.
It’s a powerful feeling and indeed freeing,
reaching deep inside your soul to find self-love
you will leave many behind.
You will start to decline sharing your space with
people who don’t share the same state of mind.
Reaching for a higher love is never worthless;
in fact , it should be your purpose
even if you’re the only one that take notice.
The moment your realize you’re enough,
nothing else will matter.
You will be ready for new chapters
and even new disasters.